When I get depressed I feel worthless. I feel like no matter how hard I try to do the right thing I’ve just made too many mistakes. My ship for a good life has sailed, and because I tied the knots on the sails wrong, the boat probably fell apart in the middle of the ocean and everyone drowned.
When I look around at the world, often through the jaded and cynical lens of social media I think, “What can I do to make any of this better?”
I’m just trying to survive.
A lot of us are hurting. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, and an unhealthy addiction to Netflix holiday romantic comedies. We are too busy beating the shit out of ourselves up to help others.
But helplessness does not lead to revolution. It leads us to eat the expired rotisserie chicken with our hands while low-key praying for food poisoning. It leads to drinking and drugs. It leads us to yell on social media instead of introducing ourselves to real people.
The problem with social media is it makes us feel like we are doing something. SOMETIMES we are. But most of the time it’s a delusion. Thinking you have a community from social media is like thinking you have a girlfriend from Pornhub.
Add social justice into the mix and now not only do you feel like you have a girlfriend, but you think you are EMPOWERING WOMEN every time you are jerking off to Desperate Amateurs.
So what do we do?
Help people.
I know this would get more clicks if I told you how to build your own cold plunge or make DMT in the microwave. There are far sexier-sounding solutions to depression than, feeding people. But it’s the answer.
Find people who have nothing and feed them. Get to know them. See them.
Ta-da! DON’T STOP READING.
All of the most popular solutions to mental health issues are about ourselves. What pill should I take? Now that Liver King got busted for steroids what should I replace eating bull dick with to get abs?
If I went to a friend about my depression and he told me to go to a sketchy part of town and give sandwiches to people who are hungry, he would no longer be my friend.
That’s just what I chose to do. You can mentor kids, you can volunteer to help the elderly. I’ve been going down RABBIT HOLES people, and there are so many fucking things you can do to help people that I didn’t even know about because I was kinda a selfish dick head.
You don’t need to have your shit together to help people. In fact, helping people is a surefire way to start getting your shit together.
“I’ll help people when I have time” was my mantra. Once I’m happy or prosperous I can give away my money and help even MORE PEOPLE!
But what am I doing right now? I’m neither, happy, nor helping people. So what if we tried putting those priorities in a different order?
Help people now. Feel better now. I mean guys! This has everything! You are helping people (good) and it makes you feel better about yourself (good).
Why does it make you feel better about yourself you ask?
I’ll tell you why furious reader!
When you are helping people you aren’t focused on yourself. I don’t mean the usual self-help speech about being focused on getting more money, a nicer car, etc. I mean you aren’t focused on your bullshit. Your problems. You are focused on another human. Another human who is suffering. Maybe they are suffering like you are suffering, maybe worse. Maybe you can relate, maybe you can show empathy and compassion. Either way, this is good.
You are seeing people at their most vulnerable and you are voluntarily becoming part of their story. It’s one thing listening to your date’s long-ass story about her work friends you don’t know about, it’s another listening to how someone is trying to survive and how you are helping them.
Meditation is cool, but finding stillness while looking into another human’s eyes, one that most people ignore is cooler.
Jamie you genius. I’m going to go make a bunch of sandwiches and feed people! Did you come up with this because you are SUCH a good person?
Well, my friends, I wish I could tell you that I came up with this brilliant idea independently. But it’s Jesus 101.
DON’T STOP READING!
Jesus didn’t hang out with all those elite religious dudes who probably turned many of you away from religion.
Many of you = Me.
He hung out with, helped, and taught fuck ups, poor people, prostitutes, working-class fishermen who the church rejected, and broken people who were trying so damn hard to get better.
Us.
Then those people started helping other people and found purpose. This is how we get better—purpose, putting others in front of us, and presence.
This isn’t a mental health hack. You aren’t helping people to feel better. This is what we should all be doing anyway. But BONUS, as I found out when I was in the thick of my depression, it happens to help you as well.
Do it for Jesus, Krishna, you, or the ghost of Christopher Hitchens, but do it.
If this sounds interesting to you I talk about it in detail (including all the mistakes I’m making) on the podcast Advice Not Taken with Jamie Kilstein which you can listen to right now on Spotify or Apple! jamiekilsteinpodcast.com
Also, on today’s episode a listener Bryon wrote in asking if he can donate. Instead of sending me money, we started an initiative to help more people. Captain your city. Every Sunday hand out food with me. Write to me and tell me where and when and I’ll share it at jamiekilsteinpodcast@gmail.com or leave a comment and share this piece.
Let’s build a movement for mental health, for the people who need help, and for us, who I’m sad to report oh boy, also need help.
Truer words never spoken. As a recovering alcoholic and addict I found the cure for my disease of perception and self centeredness is reaching out to others in need. Believe me, there's no short supply of people who need help!