How to Fight About Politics at Thanksgiving Dinner

Many of us will be going home this holiday season to a dad ranting about stolen elections or a vegan sibling home from Sarah Lawrence attempting to spray paint a turkey.

Even pre-social media, holidays have always been a delicate balance of beauty and chaos. Wonderment and rage. Storybook endings and pretending Mom doesn’t have a drinking problem.

Ram Dass, one of the most spiritual people to have ever lived once said, “If you think you are enlightened go spend two weeks with your family.”

Amen.

But now in 2022, we can fight about things our ancestors could have never dreamed of! If the Native Americans and Pilgrims could watch us yell about Matt Taibbi’s newest Substack piece or gender reassignment surgery they probably just go back to fighting.

No, our forefathers did not foresee parents and children ranting about something called “Libs of Tiktok” but here we are.

Bad enough I have to explain to my parents why at 40 I don’t have children, but now I also have to have talking points memorized about the Hunter Biden laptop? No thank you. I just want to eat enough stuffing to panic nap my way into the new year.

Unless we do something about it this upcoming day of thanks is likely to turn into its antithesis. There are ways to be with your family without needing to have separate tables based on how you feel about Roe V Wade. I promise.

You should also know, I used to be the prototype of what not to do. I was an angsty ranting liberal who would shout such poorly reasoned arguments it would make my family wish they were conservative.

Does Dad want to pray for a Jewish holiday? I was there to remind him about how Palestine is suffering at Israel's hands. Is everyone happy on Christmas morning? Well here comes Jamie’s rant about Jesus and capitalism.

Is leaving cookies for Santa some form of fat-shaming? Maybe we should have plant-based options!

I was an insufferable demon sent to ruin November - December.

I didn’t even care about the issues as much as I wanted to regurgitate my tribe’s talking points.

We can not start to bring our Twitter life into our real life.

We spend all day online treating people like video game avatars. We have our teams, know thy enemy, and attack with little to no consequences. If your avatar disagrees with my avatar then you must be destroyed. Sorry random guy holding a fish.

Sooner or later we will start to see people in our real lives as just another username.

Before you go home this winter remember that your mom, the one who helped you hide your first hangover from your father, is not the same as MAGALUVER69 on Twitter.

So do we just ignore politics? Do I pretend I didn’t read an article on WW3 literally this morning? No. I believe you should be able to talk about politics at the dinner table.

While an entire night dedicated to Love on the Spectrum may be more entertaining one of the biggest problems in modern society is that we don’t know how to talk to people who disagree with us. We usually just freak out.

Well, I’ll tell you. If you can have civil discourse with your family you can have civil discourse with anyone. Maybe this is our practice run for making a better world.

Number 1: Find something you can all agree on. For example….All politicians suck!

Why not open with that? Let’s bond on that!

If your family is political then they know that all politicians suck! Even the ones on their team, ESPECIALLY THE ONES ON THEIR TEAM. Do you think any liberal reading this actually likes Beto? Any of you conservatives wanna get a beer with Ted Cruz?

NO! Of course not! The system is broken. Politicians are menaces. Throw your family a bone and shit on your side for once. Once you all agree that Nancy Pelosi is a ghoul you can enter into the more controversial ground while respecting the honesty of the other!

Number 2: If all your relatives can do is shout things they heard on Rachel Maddow or Tucker Carlson maybe their life isn’t the best and we should feel compassion for them.

If someone at the dinner table refuses to leave until they win the argument about Jan 6th, maybe you already won? Clearly, life has beaten the other person down to get to this point and you can nod your head and silently claim victory.

You have to feel compassion for people who are willing to ruin relationships over politics. The idea of your family member glued to their phone angrily sharing political memes all day should bring tears to your eyes. Don’t give them more ammo, give them a hug.

Number 3: Hold hands and watch the world burn.

Look, I’m no fan of apathy. But what the fuck are you and your family doing to change the world? Maybe if you stop ruining relationships and crying over wine and turkey acting like you are arguing your case in front of the UN you can.

Is your Uncle on the Supreme Court? No. Did anyone in the family pass the laws that you are mad about? No! Do you even know how laws get passed? NO!

There is literally nothing your family can do at that moment to change shit. They are not responsible. So maybe you don’t let assholes in Washington ruin one more good thing, by tearing your family apart.

If you really want to change someone’s mind, don’t scream at them like an unhinged CNN pundit whose ratings are in the trash.

Be a good ambassador for your side. Instead of throwing a fit about who your sister voted for, why not just be so cool people want to be like you? Be so kind and generous, that others start to wonder who you voted for without you having to tell them.

As I have become less insufferable and found viewpoints I truly believe in, my need to shove them down people’s throats plummets.

Often times the ones trying so desperately to convert you are just projecting. I know I was.

“YOU HAVE TO DO CROSSFIT! YOU MUST! WHY? SO YOU CAN BE MISERABLE LIKE ME! MY LOWER BACK HURTS!”

Look, I went from being an Atheist to finding Jesus at 40. Want to know why I haven’t written a piece called “If you don’t go to church you’re a piece of shit?” because I have nothing to prove to anybody. If people respect how I treat others and are curious about why I do the things I do I’ll be happy to tell them. If not, that’s cool too, cause I’m actually happy.

If you're the only conservative at the dinner table, the best thing you can do is just be chill. Be kind, ask questions, be open-minded, and use phrases like, “I never looked at it that way". DO NOT BRING UP ALEX JONES.

Are you a responsible gun owner? Talk about things you would do to prevent mass shootings instead of shouting “COME AND TAKE EM!”.

I promise you, there are ways to talk about politics without driving your little cousins to join Antifa.

I don’t know what is going to change the world, but I know that it starts with kindness. It starts with seeing the person across the table as an actual human with good intentions. It starts with turning the TV off, putting the phones away, and remembering that love trumps all that shit. And if that doesn’t work you can all bond over the fact that turkey is an incredibly overrated holiday centerpiece.