The depression you feel you don't deserve
The worst kind of depression comes when you feel like you’re doing everything right.
It’s one thing to be depressed after getting your third DUI after crashing your Nissan into your ex’s parents living room while reposting Elon memes on X.
That depression TRACKS. That depression is earned!
But when depression kicks you while you’re up?
That’s rough.
That makes you feel like you will never get it right. That no matter how much you try, meditate, pick up trash, call your local representative, put your phone away at the Starbucks, NAY, indie coffee shop counter, you will always be blindsided by sadness.
You will always feel alone, bailed on, stranded in your mind that is constantly trying to kill you.
I’m a really positive person despite those many words you just read. I am the meme surrounded by fire assuring everyone that it’s going to be alright but in human form.
Not last year.
So low you don’t want to hear anything but the tragic news you have come to expect. Doomscrolling your memories for mistakes from the past.
People trying to tell you, “It will be ok”, is like a stab to the kidney. People telling you, “God has a plan”, makes you want to fist fight the creator of the universe. It almost sounds like people are taunting you.
Sure, I get it, things get better for YOU. But not for me or else how did I get into this shitty mess?
But looking back is a funny thing. Not only did the bad turn to good, but the good wouldn’t have happened without the bad. Is that a NIGHTMARE WAY TO LIVE?! SURE!
Maybe, but it sure as hell makes me enjoy the good a lot more. It made me stronger on the way to the good.
You don’t want to be trust fund good. We want to earned the good in the shit struggle good. And earn that shit we will.
If you are struggling right now I won’t tell you it will get better. I will tell you to keep getting stronger and see what happens. To not give up and see what happens. To take just one step more than you think you can and wait.