Not to sound like a hipster, but I hated Twitter before it was cool. Long before Elon Musk entered the scene, and back when Trump thought a Tweet was something you did in a hooker’s mouth, I hated this place.
“Well, if you hated Twitter before it was cool then name 3 people you angrily tweeted at before Elon Musk.” Easy, Chuck Woolery, Chuck Todd, and I’m sure some other asshole named Chuck.
I used to spend all day online yelling at strangers telling myself I was making the world better when in reality I was just making my world worse.
I was protecting myself from having to confront my own problems, which were many. I thought I was fighting for social justice when in reality I was never face-to-face with anyone in need. Just angrily tweeting to Sarah Palin, or some Chuck, awaiting famous people to retweet me and invite me on MSNBC. My so-called bravery required nothing to sacrifice.
You don’t gain followers at homeless shelters.
Now years later I think I broke most of my social media addiction. I treat Twitter like an ex. I thought we would be forever but now that there is some distance, whenever I scroll through old photos and recent rants I go, “what the fuck was I thinking?”
When the end of Twitter was ironically trending on Twitter last week I thought the people would rejoice! We are free! Break us out of our chains! I FORGOT WHAT THE SUN FELT LIKE! PRAISE BE THE OUTDOORS!
But no. If it’s possible to have Stockholm syndrome while we are still in it, then that’s where we are with Twitter.
“What would we do without Twitter?!” people shouted!
I dunno bud. Be happy again?
Our collective mental health is not good right now and social media is playing a huge role.
“But all of my friends are on Twitter!”
Yeah, that’s the problem. In olden times you would actually like, see your friends.
You could tell me what color their eyes are. How they sound when they laugh. What their hug makes you feel. Are they fast walkers or do they stop to look up at the sky?
Now we identify people by snark, and what standup comedian they don’t like (It’s usually Chappelle.)
So what do we do if Twitter goes down? What if all the snarky people are right and Elon is taking this app for a joyride before drunkenly divebombing it off of a cliff?
How do we meet people?!
Is Myspace still a thing??!!
No! (If you thought Twitter fights were bad, try taking your bestie out of your top 8.)
Back in the day, we used to meet people IRL. And, we used to call it, “in real life.”
Come on! How did you connect with people before twitter?! Terrible news fella, you aren’t connecting with people on Twitter! I’m not smart enough to list the studies about what social media does to our brains (see Cal Newport, and Johan Hari) but we all know by now it’s not good. You pretended to watch that Netflix doc like I did. IT’S NOT GOOD.
Since being on Twitter less I have actually cultivated the most meaningful friendships in my life. I met one of my new best friends by going up to him after he played drums on a show I was at. Another one I approached at church. Several have come up to me at jiujitsu gyms.
Get off Twitter. Get into world. Talk to world people. Repeat.
Shit, even the best relationship of mine didn’t happen cause she slid into my DM’s. The closest thing to Tinder in 2002 was shouting “NO THANKS” at the bar.
I was 19 and walking the streets of New Jersey with my dirtbag friend, she was walking the streets with her dirtbag friend. We bumped into each other and each mumbled, “Hey.” and then dated for two years!
THAT SHIT WAS THE BEST. Absolute fucking magic in the streets. REAL STREETS! Not culty black mirror meta verse streets!
Yes. Some good things have happened because of social media. I’ve made plenty of connections. We have seen corruption exposed. Uprisings have even started. But like all good things, we took it a little too far and maybe are due for a break.
When you actually are honest how much of your Twitter life is positive? Is it all uprisings and connections? Or is it some of that and a whole lot of doom-scrolling and manufactured outrage? Is it ignoring people in your real life to leap into a Twitter mob that will have skipped town by next week to mob someone else?
“Who will know my thoughts when there is an all-ladies reboot of Rambo First Blood?”
“I can’t call people groomers or nazis in the supermarket! I’ll go to jail!”
While we grapple with these questions I leave you with a short list of things you can do instead of getting mad on the internet. Whether Twitter keeps coming back to life like the villain in a horror movie, or it goes away tomorrow, I suggest doing these things anyway. When you feel that rush of excitement and hate enter your bloodstream and are about to Tweet something stupid, take a deep break, toss your phone onto the couch and…
Go outside - You remember the outdoors! No raccoons calling you a cuck for defending Obamacare. The trees don’t ask to see feet pics. Just a beautiful quiet planet that can give us all the answers if we just are still and listen.
Make eye contact with people - OK this one is gonna take some relearning. But it turns out that when you look people in the eyes, even if they disagree with you, you will see that just like you, they are human. Sweet, scared, broken, and trying their best.
Fuck around and find out - I’m not advocating for violence but man would I rather live in a world where if you talk shit you get your back shoved up against a wall until you apologize than a world where sad little dorks shit tweet at people from a safe cowardly distance until they eventually die of loneliness.
Talk about things that can’t be found on CNN - Did you know there are things to talk about other than whatever dumb shit Herschel Walker said?! What is the meaning of life? How do you cultivate impactful relationships? How do you get closer to GOD?! Forgiveness. Gratitude. New skills! Learn a new language! An instrument! ANYTHING BUT HERSCHEL WALKER!
Pet all the dogs - Self-explanatory.
Do something joyful- When you cloud your life in negative news you are training yourself to miss all the joy. There is joy all around us (DOGS!) we just need to retrain our brains to see it.
Thanks for reading. Love you guys and if you haven’t checked out my new podcast Advice Not Taken, this week we talk about people choosing to make horrible shit political, and how to be alone for the holidays. jamiekilsteinpodcast.com